Another mountain?

Well it's been a while. One of my most recent posts was about a climb we did as a family and the fun we had.

We have met another mountain recently.........a more personal one. I have decided to share it with you. Not to worry or frighten, but simply to share the FEAR load and one simple request...........love.

Exactly 11 days ago I was told by my GP that I have an intra-cranial mass. Yep. (breathe)

You could call it a tumour, a clump of cells. I haven't been told what it is or it's name. I was told this surprising news after a routine sinus CT scan. What they thought was a shadow resulted in me off for an MRI scan (icky) and some snazzy photos of my brain. It confirmed, I have a little extra inside my head.

My shocked GP referred me immediately to a Neurologist, put me on steroids to help shrink the mass and reduce any pressure and sent me home. The waiting game begins. We are now waiting for the Neurologist appointment that will help plan our path.

It was a Saturday morning. I drove home alone.....back to the kids and hubby. I wailed the entire, but short drive. NEVER have I made noise like then. I cried for what hadn't been, what might come next, for all the people I'd lost and what I might lose. This crying scared me.

The weekend was a blur of "what ifs", desperate hugs, conversations and phone-calls. My children were frightened despite me trying to keep it together around them.

The first two nights were slept, in a drug induced sense, but I still woke in a sweat from dreams about my funeral and my family growing on and upwards without me. Was I about to be delivered a death sentence? Why was my mind so cruel to me? Why couldn't I be brave and positive?

That first week is now a complete blur. The steroids, despite being a low dose have had unpleasant side effects. My joints ache, have pins and needles, blurry vision, acne (oh joy, puberty again!) and some fatigue. I think they may have increased my anxiety too as now the dose is reduced I am much calmer and am not imagining the worst every few minutes!!!!

But over the past couple of days.....something has changed. Not physically as such.......but I am not allowing myself to expect bad news anymore. I know that this mass is in a slow growing position. If you are going to adopt a brain mass........then my body did well to put it there. Because it is in this part of my head it is silent. I have no headaches or seizures. I think I've had one full blown headache in the last 12 months. It is a silent mass. Which is obviously why it was so difficult to diagnose. I just wasn't presenting with "tumour' symptoms. However, if there is a lesson here. I did go the docs over the past few years with niggling symptoms and the optometrist. We just collectively never put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Keep asking questions......you know your body.

I met FEAR last week. It is very dark, very frightening. But people who love me are giving me exactly what I need right now; positive and healing thoughts. I will surround myself with happy people from now onwards. I don't have time for negative, I need to heal. Time to be selfish, and when I'm well..........I will return all the love, I promise.

I still meet FEAR.......every now and again. Before I go to sleep or when the house is still and quiet. But I don't walk towards now. I'm not in denial. I know I've got to walk alongside it for a while, but I will not let it consume or make me someone else.

So I'm ok.

I am well.

I haven't been told otherwise.......so I will teach myself to be well.

I will be extremely well once I introduce myself to my "tag -along" and share my plan with it.

We even laughed a few days ago and made jokes about what I can blame "the mass" on over the past few years.

We bought a juicer.........I am boosting my immune system like you wouldn't believe. My hubby in his desperation to keep me well is cooking and filling me up with antioxident rich nutrients. I love that man.

So I will share the process on here as often as I can. I still want this blog to be about our adventures and happiness. You will just find some of my own more 'personal journey' post slotted in. I don't want pity or even your fear. Because both of those things make my heart race and my breathing shallow. FEAR feeds FEAR.

I hope you will feedback occasionally, it is a lonely time trying to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind. I do feel very far away from my family and friends right now. BUT, knowing your thoughts are floating around in the universe is more than enough!! I love following your blogs and lives too.

On a brighter, family note:

My hubby's b'day was on Sunday and we were determined as a family to relax and enjoy each other's company. Miss ten yr old helped me make a birthday cake, we lounged around in pjs watching the presies being opened and grazed on a late brekkie.

The evening before we discovered some family members had arranged a gift voucher to be waiting at a gorgeous cafe, up north from us in the town; Warkworth. Chocolate brown it is deliciously called and the food was equally tasty. Alongside the cafe is an amazing chocolaterie.

The photos show some of the gorgeousness found within.

BIG love, hugs and thank yous to you both for that voucher. I forgot about everything weighing on my mind for almost the entire day. We all had a lovely time.

Enjoy the pics!

Oh and remember, don't sweat the small stuff tomorrow or even the next day! :-)

Wholemeal blueberry pancakes...mmmm

Oh my!

Caitlin carefully choosing.....

Daddy and daughter browsing...

Holy FUDGE!!!

Even the building looks good enough to eat!!

Mummy and baby snap time.

A quick play in the park to burn chocolate calories ......weeeeee

three little chocolate gems still sitting here at home waiting for their time of need.

xx

Can you believe this?????

OMG..........oodness yes!

Look what I spied today sprouting from a sleeping bowl of bulbs on our deck.

It's July here in NZ, the middle of winter.

A sign? A lucky omen? A gift from Mother nature?

What ever it is, it is beautiful and a welcome sight.

xx

They all marched up to the top of the hill...........

How to finish the school holidays??

Find a fabulous piece of paradise at our backdoor........

and walk it.

4.6 kms up, around and over a beautiful piece of bushy hill that is Whenderholm. A beautiful part of the Hibiscus Coast, New Zealand.

The route up was gradual, and in places steep. Especially for little legs that were with us.

But also well structured and built up in places. We could stop, observe and listen.

At the top...............

......was this.........

.........and this!!

Around the side of the hill we clambered and slid down over tree roots and mud. We worked up a sweat in the mid winter sun and mild temp.

After the first hour of walking we found this little clearing for lunch. With a view across to Waiwera. A thermal spot between Orewa and Puhoi, North Auckland.

The most comfortable way to hike I'm sure!!

All along the way we spotted things in the undergrowth.

The sun filtered through beautiful trees.

These palms being the kids favourite. Miss ten year old thought they looked like those tube, wafer biscuits that come out at Christmas time. Yummy trees!

They look a bit 'Dr Seuss' don't you think??!!

So much to look up at.

I'd like a scarf with all these greens in it :-)

Back down on lower ground we come full circle to meet some AWESOME trees in their winter garb.

Tricky to capture the height and density of such a beautiful hill from this angle. But we were extremely satisfied to have done it as a family team!!!

What will next weekend bring?

I think I saw a dormant volcano to conquer......

.......until then,

Bonsoir

xx

Quote of the day

Sunday morning is for leisurely coffees and a cooked brekkie.

A nice opportunity to chat as a family.

"What do you want to be when you grow up Molly?" asks Dad.

"Mmmmm, a Nurse and...................... a home keeper" replies Molly.

"What does a home keeper do?" queries Dad.

"Oh, just stay at home and relax!" exclaims Molly.

Looks of disbelief from all around the table and then a chorus of laughter.

xx

We made it!

Yep holidays are over! tonight the uniforms get pulled out from their drawers and laid on the bed for a new term. Yip - dee- dee!!!!!!

I like the holidays. Not having to organise lunch-boxes or ferrying the kids all over the show to get to after-school classes. But two weeks is just enough.

We have kept busy with visitors and some good weather that snuck in during the second week (thank goodness). There have been very few injuries, but I can proudly announce that I have not inflicted any of them ;-)

Stairs

My kids know that in our house of four split levels ( yes......I vacuum four levels aaarrrrrrrgh!!) and that we have three sets of short, carpeted stairs. However over the course of two weeks I think the bag of frozen peas has been fetched and applied several times. Each child has a different tactic it seems. The eldest, with her amazingly long, hollow legs leaps great bounds missing several steps at a time. Then stares at me in disbelief when she finds herself injured or aching. She is a thoughtful intelligent girl. Until the holidays, when she becomes this gangly, yelling monster who chases and torments her younger sister.

The middle girl has a completely different strategy to descending stairs. She will often go down faster than her legs will allow. Her feet and brain are still waiting to be introduced so she does a kind of slide down the last few stairs and lands with an audible BUMP!

The youngest, at 22 months, just adores these big girls she has to live with. She will use and adapt any strategy for getting up or down the stairs simply to keep up with them and follow them to their next activity.

Her initially attempt was a orangutan crawl upwards and the bum shuffle/slide down. Over the holidays she has taken to walking down the steps upright, very slowly, not even holding onto the wall. As she reaches the final steps she will leap off and land on the floor in a giggling smiling heap. Accident waiting to happen???

Anyway, despite some days being a bit crazy and very noisy I have survived the school holidays and I will be very happy to deliver my children into the hands of their teachers tomorrow.

I hope you have all had some great moments!

xx

Just in time

A few nights back I was cooking dinner and noticed the sun going down behind the hills from my kitchen window. I dropped my cooking preparations and sprinted upstairs with the camera hoping to catch the effect before it disappeared for good.

It only lasted a few minutes, but I got this pic for you all.

A quick reminder really that things sometimes don't last long but are worth the effort. Don't put it off.......do it NOW!

xx

Some like it old

Some like to buy new and will only buy new. Some like buying new that looks old.

Then there's us, who love to buy old and make it look new again.

We've always liked the challenge of renovation. Our first house was a sixties number that we successfully dragged into the present and sold for a good profit. Our second house was a hundred year old villa which we didn't make modern but buffed and polished her until she was near new again.

In our current living situation we are tackling smaller projects. Our latest were two small sets of drawers. We sanded, danish oiled and finished with beautiful Fleur de Lis handles. These two are for the master bedroom, they don't match but it doesn't matter one bit to us. They represent a piece of our Grandparents history. Our own little bit of Vintage with all their lumps, bumps and imperfections

The week prior I oiled my Grannie's fold-out oak table. No pic sorry. But it looks and feels so lovely. If you haven't resurfaced a wooden piece of furniture before, you really should. Extremely satisfying.

The next little project sits waiting to be completed. A shell waiting for it's makeover.

But I do like new things.

So I taught myself how to make a meat pie from scratch. Everyones got to learn that at some stage don't they??? Well, I made a beef, mushroom and vegetable pie. It was a hit with the family. My eldest went back for seconds so I think I can tick that one off my "Domestic Goddess in Training" list.

YUM

xx