Have you ever thought how much TRUST we have to employ each day?
After the last couple of months I certainly have given it some thought and if I give it too much, it scares me.
Can I really trust the 'gut instinct' of a specialist? He does look at brains everyday I guess.....
Can I learn to trust myself, my body again? Will I suddenly have a seizure or aneurysm while looking after my children?
Can I trust a harmless 'stress headache' or head cold anymore, or will I instantly think I'm going to die!!
Shall I trust my individual cells and believe they are not mutating and going rampant?
Can I trust that my children will be ok everyday I drop them off at school?
Can I trust the strangers and outside world to not harm my child when she plays at the park with her friend, not me?
Will my friends and family in Christchurch be able to rest at night and return to work each day trusting the earth wont deliver 'the big one'??
Obviously we just can't live thinking like this!!!!
I know this is NOT how I normally think, and it is all born from fear. Today I am grieving for my loss of ignorance. Today, (although I know I'll cope), I let this new awareness of how much trust is required to live, scare me. Today I let myself be scared........you know the old saying "feel the fear and do it any way" etc etc
But I don't mind being scared because I know I always pull myself back up and away from it. I feel very sad for those that wont or can't.
So, like many of you have reminded me. Live for today. Be grateful on waking each morning and cross each bridge ONE AT A TIME.
Thank you for being out there....................it helps me on the scary days.