Ok so..........it's Friday and I should have done a Thankful Thursday post yesterday, but I was in such dark mood I didn't want to injure anyone with my sharp words.
Woke up this morning, feeling a whole lot more positive, and after a walk on the local beach with a mate and feeling the rain on my face. Yep, I realise I'm still ok and happy to be alive.
I seem to have another disease, and some dis - ease it is sure causing me. Yesterday's dark mood was born from what I refer to as the "recovering person's impatience". I actually feel fabulous at the moment. My fatigue is well and truly under control (with a good diet, and plenty of sleep etc), and my physical and cognitive self are totaly 'with it'.
But my eyes are not :-(
I have ongoing swelling (which takes a LONG time to go down) which is completely confusing my eyes. As I was always slightly shortsighted anyway, my brain has got a whole lot of shite to deal with. I feel as if I'm in a bubble behind streaky or blurry glass. My head feels clear, but my bubble is not. As I'm also not permitted to drive for another four months I feel a little trapped in this bubble of mine. I can't share this bubble with anyone, no body else can truly understand. I feel so energised and well at the moment, it doesn't seem fair to have to keep still so my eyes can cope. The closest I come to real exercise (except for the occasional supervised beach walk) is the cross trainer, where I can take a simulated walk as such because I don't trust my visual judgement to go out for an actual walk by myself.
So I was feeling very sorry for myself yesterday. I wanted to be thankful, but I could only think of yucky things like snails and puppy dog tails. So sulked on the couch for the evening.
You see I have this thing about being positive on my blog. I don't like spreading misery.
But just to let you know, I will always try very hard to be positive in these discussions with you. I'll try not to let you worry too much. I don't really want my blog to become an agony aunt or medical consult. I just want to chat. Maybe vent a little, but there are days when this whole thing is SO yuck. I just want to bury my head in the sand and pretend life is normal.
A new normal. A couple of people had said this to me and I appreciated it. Like after an earthquake as well I guess. Our new normal. My new normal.
So what to do when you feel yuck and burying your head isn't the answer? When all your vestibular system can cope with is sitting still.
I got out the guitar. Funny, 'cause I can't even play the damn thing!!! But I could remember three chords, the arm responded by strumming fairly evenly and I'm thinking that I don't even have to have my eyes open to make music. Not that my playing can be called music............yet.
But I've got all the time in the world haven't I?? Sitting still, healing, strumming gently, humming a tune. Doesn't sound too bad huh? By the end of this whole process I might even know more than my three chords.
I would like to share my thankfulness though. Seeing as I'm in a much better head space than yesterday.
I like to thank those organisations that are allowing Cantabrians and fellow New Zealanders the opportunity to support the Christchurch recovery and rebuild from afar.
These cool t-shirts can be purchased here!
Check out The Edge website as they have some very cool ones also.
These bands can be purchased online from here or at many local postshops around NZ.