Thankful Thursdays: Numb!

I had this weeks Thankful Thursday's post planned in my head early this week. I just wanted to thank everyone out there for believing in me.

A few words.

I thought simplicity might just get the message across how I wanted it.

Thanks

Then came yesterday's hospital appointment. 

As the tumour does not appear to be growing they don't want to see me again for six months.

Ummmmm.

I walked out with Mark and Phoebe feeling quite numb. I think that was the feeling? 

I hardly slept last night and then woke yelling at the children.

Nice.

Tino pai Jaz!  (Well done)

So what's up Jaz? 

Well, they built me up for a round of Chemotherapy. I had my will in order and had my funeral music chosen. Just to cover all bases, that's all. Well it's done now and they want to leave me!!??

That's why I feel numb I guess. I had myself prepared for the worst. 

I still have to live with the ongoing symptoms, and the MRI in January will be scary. This is still a part of my life. So I just couldn't feel anything yesterday.

I'm sure Mark must think I'm bonkers.

Sometimes I think this tumour might be making me bonkers.

So I did something today.

I wrote a children's book. About a parent having Cancer, from the perspective of the child. 

If I'm brave enough and can find some lovely children to illustrate it I might ..........well you know........ see if anyone else thinks it's ok. I know the librarians at the Cancer society are desperate for more children's literature.

So I was numb. Now I'm kind of chuffed. Proud?

Maybe this tumour experience is presenting a silver lining.

SIX MONTHS!!

I can just be Jaz for six months.

A new Jaz, a different Jaz, but still mum of three and wife to Mark.

Wow

See what I mean..........that's how numb feels.

Jaz xx

Coffee

I have very little to blog about.

But coffee.

I'm drinking again, the caffeine variety that is. Probably shouldn't be refilling this temple of mine with toxins but I don't do anything else naughty, much. So one wonderful coffee a day it is.

Today I shared a coffee with Widge. Yep THEE Widge.

We live in the same little town and had a bit of time on our hands today, no children about, holidays over.

It was so nice to meet her in person. She's a gorgeous soul. Down to earth and honest. Love that.

It's always strange meeting blogging friends as you feel you know them quite well despite never having actually spoken to them in person. Well now I have!!

Thanks Widge ...............(for giving me something to blog about today LOL)

It was lovely to meet you.

Jaz xx

Thankful Thursday

This one is kind of tricky.
I really enjoy being thankful. But gee wizz, today............what shall it be??

It's good practice I reckon to stop and be thankful. I really thought I had nothing extra special. The kids have all been sick hence the previous three weeks have been rotten.

But the act of reflection is powerful.

Despite bouts of coughing and grumpiness (from the children and me) I do love the way my kids express creativity. A person made from odd clothes and bits found lying around!!!

I love that Nana T taught Molly to crumb schnitzel and will now happily perform the task for us all!!

Thankful to my daily companion. I wasn't ever a doggy gal growing up but I can't believe how much I love this girl of ours.

Bad photo, late afternoon sun. Very thankful though to days when we just put other stuff aside to work together.

You might be able to take the teacher out of the classroom but never vice versa.

The product of our latest family meeting. Next we need to discuss how we might apply them on a regular basis. Mark came back from a company conference inspired to use some newly acquired values cards. (Which I love and would love to steal if I ever return teaching).

I just realised recently........my teaching registration expired a few months ago.

Bum.

I've made the phone calls and got the info on how to get it up and running again.

I'm a bit scared.

Excited.

Can visually impaired teacher housing a brain tumour actually teach??

I'm still the cool teacher I always was, inside my heart and soul that is!!

Yep,

I was cool......

LOL

Jaz xx

To those who love Phoebe

 This post was generated with Sam (our preschool teacher) in mind.

Phoebe loves the letter-land learning she does at preschool. She is very motivated because of it.

With the help from big sister Caitlin. A name appears.

 Sometimes it's ok to copy :-)

All so proud.

Especially Phoebe.

Jaz xx

It's Thursday isn't it??

Thankful Thursday
I lose track of the days during the school holidays, but it feels about time to be thankful again.

Feeling thankful for people out there who are researching Cancer and Brains. Well, all research is great, but those two things are particularly important to me. So many people I know and/or love are touched by the disease at some stage and if you think about it too much it's blooming heartbreaking.

Neurological study is EXTREMELY important. I am already of course paving the way for new and up and coming Neuro docs just by having a brain tumour in a crazy location and living with icky symptoms. Good for me... sigh.
Oh well, they gotta learn somehow!!!

I'm still thankful.

Thankful for the love around me I have so many people on my side this year. So many good listeners, helping hands, helping eyes, caring minds. I am very grateful to you all.

I had a Neuro appointment scheduled for the 11th of July to which Mark was unable to attend. Those appointments are the big ones, the ones that stir up old stuff and normally shake us to the core.
So yesterday I attempted to change it. They never got back to me.
Today I ring again, stressing how important is was to me that I have my husband present. No-one else would do!! This time I got told that my appointment had been shifted to 25th July.

Two weeks away?? Really?? Does that that mean the MRI was ok?? We can afford to wait a bit?? We don't need to rush into more treatment?? I could feel my blood pressure rising ever so slightly.

I rang Mark straight away.

He was pleased, but is naturally suspicious by nature.
"Oh Mark , you're not going to burst my bubble" I responded, laughing nervously.
"I want to email or ring them to find out if it is really ok for us to postpone the appointment and maybe they can give us just a little idea what the MRI showed" said Mark.

I knew Mark was right. He's a black and white guy. He likes the facts.

My inner 'child' often wants to hide under the covers from this whole journey. Especially if I get a hint that maybe things are going ok. I guess as I live with symptoms and eyesight issues everyday, I get scared. Mark keeps the adult Jaz facing the music and making the right decisions. Thank goodness for him. Occasionally his 'sometimes pessimistic' nature infuriates me, but generally we make a good team.

This afternoon I received a phone call from the Neuro specialist himself. He quickly and succinctly let me know that the results weren't bad at all. No more tumour growth as yet. Exactly the same as the last imaging. FAR OUT!!! BIG BREATH!!!
That news is as good as I'm ever going to get!! In my dreams I occasionally get the "Oh goodness Mrs Treacy, we seem to have made a mistake. There is no tumour there at all now".
Only in my dreams tho.

Little did I know that Mark had been ringing around hospital departments trying to give the people involved a little nudge at releasing the info to us!!

So today I'm particularly thankful for the love around me, thoughtful and empathetic admin hospital staff, a specialist that was happy to ring me and "let the heat off'" as he referred to it and of course, Mark.

Thanks a bundle Mark. I love you lots. Here's to some worry free few months huh! Bring it on!!!!!!

Jaz xx