Thursday, July 26, 2012

Thankful Thursdays: Numb!

I had this weeks Thankful Thursday's post planned in my head early this week. I just wanted to thank everyone out there for believing in me.
A few words.
I thought simplicity might just get the message across how I wanted it.


Then came yesterday's hospital appointment. 
As the tumour does not appear to be growing they don't want to see me again for six months.
I walked out with Mark and Phoebe feeling quite numb. I think that was the feeling? 
I hardly slept last night and then woke yelling at the children.
Tino pai Jaz!  (Well done)

So what's up Jaz? 
Well, they built me up for a round of Chemotherapy. I had my will in order and had my funeral music chosen. Just to cover all bases, that's all. Well it's done now and they want to leave me!!??

That's why I feel numb I guess. I had myself prepared for the worst. 

I still have to live with the ongoing symptoms, and the MRI in January will be scary. This is still a part of my life. So I just couldn't feel anything yesterday.

I'm sure Mark must think I'm bonkers.

Sometimes I think this tumour might be making me bonkers.

So I did something today.

I wrote a children's book. About a parent having Cancer, from the perspective of the child. 
If I'm brave enough and can find some lovely children to illustrate it I might ..........well you know........ see if anyone else thinks it's ok. I know the librarians at the Cancer society are desperate for more children's literature.

So I was numb. Now I'm kind of chuffed. Proud?

Maybe this tumour experience is presenting a silver lining.

I can just be Jaz for six months.

A new Jaz, a different Jaz, but still mum of three and wife to Mark.


See what I mean..........that's how numb feels.

Jaz xx


  1. cant wait to read the book.

    Great news Jaz

  2. Great to hear your news Jaz love to you all. good luck with the book, you can do it. Maureen

  3. Hopefully it will soon wear off and you can just enjoy it all. :) Really is just such great news and cant wait to see you - how about lunch out this weekend - when are you free!
    Looking forward to seeing the book - well done.

  4. Oh what a GREAT idea Jaz! That would be amazing! I had only one book lent to me by the hospital nurse so more out there for parents to be able to explain to the children would be fantastic.
    I know the feeling. Its all too much to take in quickly...sometimes it needs to simmer and then we can process the thoughts slowly. Its great news though! Big hug xx

  5. WOW - hoping the celebrating will start soon!

  6. Replies
    1. Thanks Widge. I think our chat may have kicked off my motivation xx

  7. I think I can safely say, Jaz, that you will soon be feeling 'normal' again. When I was told that there was nothing more that could be done for me I, too, prepared for the worst ie for death. Then they tried some treatment that they warned me could leave me considerably worse off and have no benefits. It worked. I'm still alive and very much kicking. BUT, and here's the rub, it has taken me longer to come to terms with life than it did to come to terms with death. How very odd is that? You are the first person I've come across who seems to be feeling the same as I did. But it passes and you, my friend, will also now live for the moment and for life and stop worrying about death.

    Let's face it Jaz. There are few people I've known with cancer who have been as inspirational as you are. Thank you.

  8. It must be a strange feeling...but hopefully one that you can embrace once you get over the shock of it all. And I too want to see this book of yours...go Jaz!

  9. OH MY GOSH!!! I am doing a happy dance! Such wonderful amazing news. It will take a while to adjust to so take it slow. (Not the same but sort of..) I remember when we heard about Reuben, I could not take it in. Everyone around us was jumping and I felt numb. Just weirdly empty.
    Still, I am over the moon for you. Just love that you will be normal, usual Jaz! So great!

  10. Hi Jaz - I thought I had commented on this but maybe only in my mind! Wonderful, wonderful news. I love that you have written a book too that is SO great - YAY!!

  11. Also please flick me an email if you want to be included on the chch blogger email list. makeitgiveit(at)gmail(dot)com


Please comment! I love your feedback :-)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...