Sunday, July 21, 2013

One little white pill

Well I haven't really caught you up on everything as yet. I guess I just feel so comfortable writing to you all it almost feels as if I never left.

I haven't had any more Neurological meetings or appointments while I wasn't blogging. I think my next will be around Christmas or New Year.
I don't have any new symptoms but the ongoing symptoms I was left with after surgery remain. My eyes get very sore and tired which often results in a headache. In fact I have some kind of discomfort around my eyes and or head everyday.
My eye muscles have got a little better I think, and my brain has adapted to the changes. I am amazed at how the body and brain can relearn. The double vision is very tiring.
But am coping.
Because of one little white pill.
Thank the heavens above for them.
I have my own inner courage, character and strength, I know that, but  the medication helps me to reason, to rationalise.
The most devastating thing about living with my brain tumour is the 'terminal' aspect. Never having the triumph of beating it, winning the battle, crossing the line so to speak. I was finding that really difficult.
At one point I just didn't know how to cope with the life long position I had found myself in. Hospitals for the rest of my life???

 It all seemed too BIG.

So now I live on a cocktail of Spirulina Blue, Resveratrol (with Turmeric) and the anti-depressant Cetalopram. Cetalopram is quite easily tolerated by the body with fewer side effects. In fact now that my body is used to it I am not aware of any.
I have recently read that antidepressants produce much better results in people who are already of optimistic in nature. That's me!!!!!!

I'm proud of being an optimist. I am also so pleased that the medication is helping.

I wanted to share this so that others knew it is not a weakness to take things to help your well being. These 'things' come in various shapes, sizes and colours. Mine just happen to be small, round and white.

I also had this weird thought when I first went on them that if people knew or found out they wouldn't trust my personality. That the happy, settled Jasmine they are talking to was a facade,  not the real thing.
I was sooooooo wrong.
Medication has helped me find myself again.  The loving, kind me. The me that enjoys life.

The best of me.

Sheesh my eyes are sore now!!! Picture time :-)

It's really good to be able to laugh at myself again.
Jaz xx


  1. how wonderful to be finding the 'you' again x

  2. I know. The terminal think REALLY sucks, especially with my Mom. She is classed as stage 4 terminal as the cancer is in the pleura so there's no way of removing it. But we are living to the maximum. And even though she is doing so well, she lives with the axe hanging over her head which is hard. Really hard. For her and for us. So I get it. Love that you are living so hard and so well, jaz xx

    1. Thanks Sammy. It's nice that you understand. Love to your Mum x

  3. I think one of the most important things is to be able to recognise the problem, remedy it and then accept it. You have experienced all those things and can now talk about it. This gives other people two things: understanding and courage to do the same. One day, perhaps, I'll have the courage that you have.


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