To those who love Phoebe

 This post was generated with Sam (our preschool teacher) in mind.

Phoebe loves the letter-land learning she does at preschool. She is very motivated because of it.

With the help from big sister Caitlin. A name appears.

 Sometimes it's ok to copy :-)

All so proud.

Especially Phoebe.

Jaz xx

It's Thursday isn't it??

Thankful Thursday
I lose track of the days during the school holidays, but it feels about time to be thankful again.

Feeling thankful for people out there who are researching Cancer and Brains. Well, all research is great, but those two things are particularly important to me. So many people I know and/or love are touched by the disease at some stage and if you think about it too much it's blooming heartbreaking.

Neurological study is EXTREMELY important. I am already of course paving the way for new and up and coming Neuro docs just by having a brain tumour in a crazy location and living with icky symptoms. Good for me... sigh.
Oh well, they gotta learn somehow!!!

I'm still thankful.

Thankful for the love around me I have so many people on my side this year. So many good listeners, helping hands, helping eyes, caring minds. I am very grateful to you all.

I had a Neuro appointment scheduled for the 11th of July to which Mark was unable to attend. Those appointments are the big ones, the ones that stir up old stuff and normally shake us to the core.
So yesterday I attempted to change it. They never got back to me.
Today I ring again, stressing how important is was to me that I have my husband present. No-one else would do!! This time I got told that my appointment had been shifted to 25th July.

Two weeks away?? Really?? Does that that mean the MRI was ok?? We can afford to wait a bit?? We don't need to rush into more treatment?? I could feel my blood pressure rising ever so slightly.

I rang Mark straight away.

He was pleased, but is naturally suspicious by nature.
"Oh Mark , you're not going to burst my bubble" I responded, laughing nervously.
"I want to email or ring them to find out if it is really ok for us to postpone the appointment and maybe they can give us just a little idea what the MRI showed" said Mark.

I knew Mark was right. He's a black and white guy. He likes the facts.

My inner 'child' often wants to hide under the covers from this whole journey. Especially if I get a hint that maybe things are going ok. I guess as I live with symptoms and eyesight issues everyday, I get scared. Mark keeps the adult Jaz facing the music and making the right decisions. Thank goodness for him. Occasionally his 'sometimes pessimistic' nature infuriates me, but generally we make a good team.

This afternoon I received a phone call from the Neuro specialist himself. He quickly and succinctly let me know that the results weren't bad at all. No more tumour growth as yet. Exactly the same as the last imaging. FAR OUT!!! BIG BREATH!!!
That news is as good as I'm ever going to get!! In my dreams I occasionally get the "Oh goodness Mrs Treacy, we seem to have made a mistake. There is no tumour there at all now".
Only in my dreams tho.

Little did I know that Mark had been ringing around hospital departments trying to give the people involved a little nudge at releasing the info to us!!

So today I'm particularly thankful for the love around me, thoughtful and empathetic admin hospital staff, a specialist that was happy to ring me and "let the heat off'" as he referred to it and of course, Mark.

Thanks a bundle Mark. I love you lots. Here's to some worry free few months huh! Bring it on!!!!!!

Jaz xx

Oh it's been such a long time.....

Hi there.

It really has been sooooo looong. I have missed sharing with you all. Life has continued, kids growing, kids getting sick, battling but also enjoying some of the treats that winter brings. Right now my kids, dog and house (especially the dog hair) consume my days.

But I'm ok with that.

I miss working, but I am waiting for my next MRI (Monday 2nd) to reveal if I may need to undergo Chemotherapy.

Yuck!

But, I'm ok with that too. If it can make my journey continue a little longer in this lifetime then I'll battle on. This week I feel good, so I'm enjoying family and friends as much as I am able.

So what have we been up to??? 

It snowed. First snowy experience for Phoebe and heaps of fun for us all after living North of Auckland for nearly three years.

I love this photo that Caitlin took of the number on our gate, the dark early morning sky and the snow beginning to fall. Looks like stars falling from the sky to me.

No washing to be hung that day. YIPPEEEEE!

Our wintery 'wonderland' backyard.

Lovely wintery walks in Hanmer. A North Canterbury town.

We have fallen head over heels in love with this glossy girl. Although she has been a very determined puppy at repeatedly breaking into the compost heap!!

This girl continues to make us laugh daily. I keep finding her in the most predictable........

and surprising places!!!!!!!!!

I hope you are all well and life/winter is treating you kindly. Have a wonderful week.

Jaz xx

Dear Tumour

Why did you decide to awake again? Didn't I make it clear during our radiotherapy that our relationship was coming to an end?

Did I not make my feelings clear?

Aaah maybe I was just too polite.

I do remember thanking you for not treating me too badly, for allowing me to birth three beautiful girls, for the wonderful years with Mark and being able to become a teacher. I thanked you and then I said I was done with you. With my head jammed into that horrid machine, we chatted. Do you not remember??

Why wake up now?? I'm just starting to deal with the unfairness of it all. I was just starting to adapt to my altered eyesight. I was getting really good at living in the present and not catastrophising about the future. Instead I have started worrying about leaving the girls and Mark again.

Then 'they' tell me you have grown a few mm. Enough to motivate us all to discuss the next plan of attack.

How dare you not even give me a bit more time between treatments. I've only just recovered from the last lot. In fact I still have some ongoing sideffects. I guess you'd say it 'serves me right, picking on you like that'.

But I need to make it clear. I am a determined and stubborn person. I'm also very good at finding the positive. You haven't got me yet oh tumour. How dare you try to scare me again. How dare you make my eldest daughter worry and my husband frightened he'll lose his mate.

How dare you!!

How dare you !!

How dare you!!!

I'll show you...

Jaz

Wonderful weekends

My children can be a little odd sometimes.

Or maybe it's just ultra cute.

Look what they set up on the FIRST DAY OF THE HOLIDAYS!!!!!

A classroom :-)

Dad had plans to build a fence which of course must start with digging post holes.

Gorgeous Phoebe

Mark and I then spent night in the city of Christchurch. Only 25 minutes away but we were able to go child free (Thanks Nana Sandy).

We wandered around the beautiful Botanic Gardens. A spectacle of the 'garden city'.

What Christchurch does extremely well. Autumn colours.

Love this tram stop. (Although it always looked better without the cordon fences behind)

The Garden city is now the city of cranes. This view used to be quite special, with the Cathedral gracing the end of this street. No more sadly.

So many of these USAR messages to be seen.

Buildings without walls :-(

But in middle of the city, Cashel Mall metamorphed into a brightly coloured 'beating heart' (as a friend of mine described it). I love this description. The rest of the city seems dead, dusty, ghostlike. In fact, behind the bubbling and chattering in the foreground you can hear the hum of diggers and destruction in the background. This mall is a sign of new beginnings.

ChCH has come back with shops and coffee shops made from containers.

Not quite the traditional architecture of Canterbury, but a happy new beginning.

Unfortunately Cashel mall is also a memorial for many lost lives. And the fences are used to share memories and debate what the public would like to happen with the Cathedral ruins.

Not allowed in. I remember walking through here every day when I worked in the city.

Here's a novel idea instead of a billboard. A display car in a container. Only in Christchurch!!!

I avoided taking photos of the ruined churches in the city. Too many and too sad. Lovely old buildings.

But unsafe buildings are still being pulled sown. Even over a year later.

We had mixed feeling visiting the city. It's certainly not the same, but we can feel the excitement and anticipation of what is to come.

Watch this space!!!

Easter Sunday. The birth of the fence.

Sunday afternoon was spent at the river. Introducing Rosie to WATER!!

Making dams.

Sunday was concluded with a family movies night. Dogs invited. Doesn't her face just say" where's my popcorn"?

Easter weekend was spent sharing time together. Just what we love to do. Even building a fence became a group effort with the kids joining in and my brother lending us a helpful hand.

What could have been a chore actually became quite satisfying. But that's another blog entry really.

Hope your weekend was fun and relaxing too.

Jaz xx

Turning a corner!

Yes it is possible and I think I have done it. I'm proud that I've done it.

Those of you who follow this blog regularly will understand, after the events of 2011, a corner just had to be turned.

I spent much of last year frightened of the future. What could happen, might happen but hadn't yet happened. That is the corner I'm talking about. About living in the NOW.

Living in the now is something I have talked about on this blog a few times. When I was struggling as a stay at home mum and when I was diagnosed with a brain tumour. I have been thinking about this a lot recently as I struggled to adapt to and accept the changes with my eyesight. Part of me refused to accept the poor vision because I felt I might be giving up, giving in.

I don't see it like that at all now.

I see it as living in the NOW.

In fact, I didn't even realise we had a book on our shelves at home titled "The Power of Now" (Ekhart Tolle). Cool. Somebody's already done much of the thinking for me!!!

I can't read it very well, My eye muscles struggle to read for very long but I enjoy skimming and finding enlightening quotes for myself

In the past I have catastrophized and turned my fears into big ugly mountains in front of me. But I've been thinking about that. Fears aren't real. Sure they can be based on some startling true facts eg I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR, but essentially our fears are our imaginations going for a walk.

So I've stopped walking my fears so often and taking myself out for fresh air instead. Lately I seem to be able to enjoy today and not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come and then it will be today. I've got no control over it, just how I perceive and receive it.

I'm strangely calm about my MRI I just had. I'm still awaiting results and I refuse to waste precious time on irrational fears. If they tell me I'm dying, then I'll scream and cry, but not today, not NOW.

On that note. Have a lovely day and weekend. If you need to worry about something, allocate a time and focus on it for a little while. Problem solve, but don't let it become you or your life. I've been there, we probably all have at some time of our lives. But I'm learning a tough lesson. There's a lot of living out there to be done. Join me and live it in the NOW!!!

Happy Easter to all of you.

Jaz xx

Puppy antics

What does this sweet, adorable puppy.........

And this sweet, (mostly) adorable little girl..............

EQUAL???????????

One barely recognisable toothbrush this morning.

Adorable much?

Undecided

Jaz xx

ps See other toothbrush post here