Oh it's been such a long time.....

Hi there.

It really has been sooooo looong. I have missed sharing with you all. Life has continued, kids growing, kids getting sick, battling but also enjoying some of the treats that winter brings. Right now my kids, dog and house (especially the dog hair) consume my days.

But I'm ok with that.

I miss working, but I am waiting for my next MRI (Monday 2nd) to reveal if I may need to undergo Chemotherapy.

Yuck!

But, I'm ok with that too. If it can make my journey continue a little longer in this lifetime then I'll battle on. This week I feel good, so I'm enjoying family and friends as much as I am able.

So what have we been up to??? 

It snowed. First snowy experience for Phoebe and heaps of fun for us all after living North of Auckland for nearly three years.

I love this photo that Caitlin took of the number on our gate, the dark early morning sky and the snow beginning to fall. Looks like stars falling from the sky to me.

No washing to be hung that day. YIPPEEEEE!

Our wintery 'wonderland' backyard.

Lovely wintery walks in Hanmer. A North Canterbury town.

We have fallen head over heels in love with this glossy girl. Although she has been a very determined puppy at repeatedly breaking into the compost heap!!

This girl continues to make us laugh daily. I keep finding her in the most predictable........

and surprising places!!!!!!!!!

I hope you are all well and life/winter is treating you kindly. Have a wonderful week.

Jaz xx

Dear Tumour

Why did you decide to awake again? Didn't I make it clear during our radiotherapy that our relationship was coming to an end?

Did I not make my feelings clear?

Aaah maybe I was just too polite.

I do remember thanking you for not treating me too badly, for allowing me to birth three beautiful girls, for the wonderful years with Mark and being able to become a teacher. I thanked you and then I said I was done with you. With my head jammed into that horrid machine, we chatted. Do you not remember??

Why wake up now?? I'm just starting to deal with the unfairness of it all. I was just starting to adapt to my altered eyesight. I was getting really good at living in the present and not catastrophising about the future. Instead I have started worrying about leaving the girls and Mark again.

Then 'they' tell me you have grown a few mm. Enough to motivate us all to discuss the next plan of attack.

How dare you not even give me a bit more time between treatments. I've only just recovered from the last lot. In fact I still have some ongoing sideffects. I guess you'd say it 'serves me right, picking on you like that'.

But I need to make it clear. I am a determined and stubborn person. I'm also very good at finding the positive. You haven't got me yet oh tumour. How dare you try to scare me again. How dare you make my eldest daughter worry and my husband frightened he'll lose his mate.

How dare you!!

How dare you !!

How dare you!!!

I'll show you...

Jaz

Wonderful weekends

My children can be a little odd sometimes.

Or maybe it's just ultra cute.

Look what they set up on the FIRST DAY OF THE HOLIDAYS!!!!!

A classroom :-)

Dad had plans to build a fence which of course must start with digging post holes.

Gorgeous Phoebe

Mark and I then spent night in the city of Christchurch. Only 25 minutes away but we were able to go child free (Thanks Nana Sandy).

We wandered around the beautiful Botanic Gardens. A spectacle of the 'garden city'.

What Christchurch does extremely well. Autumn colours.

Love this tram stop. (Although it always looked better without the cordon fences behind)

The Garden city is now the city of cranes. This view used to be quite special, with the Cathedral gracing the end of this street. No more sadly.

So many of these USAR messages to be seen.

Buildings without walls :-(

But in middle of the city, Cashel Mall metamorphed into a brightly coloured 'beating heart' (as a friend of mine described it). I love this description. The rest of the city seems dead, dusty, ghostlike. In fact, behind the bubbling and chattering in the foreground you can hear the hum of diggers and destruction in the background. This mall is a sign of new beginnings.

ChCH has come back with shops and coffee shops made from containers.

Not quite the traditional architecture of Canterbury, but a happy new beginning.

Unfortunately Cashel mall is also a memorial for many lost lives. And the fences are used to share memories and debate what the public would like to happen with the Cathedral ruins.

Not allowed in. I remember walking through here every day when I worked in the city.

Here's a novel idea instead of a billboard. A display car in a container. Only in Christchurch!!!

I avoided taking photos of the ruined churches in the city. Too many and too sad. Lovely old buildings.

But unsafe buildings are still being pulled sown. Even over a year later.

We had mixed feeling visiting the city. It's certainly not the same, but we can feel the excitement and anticipation of what is to come.

Watch this space!!!

Easter Sunday. The birth of the fence.

Sunday afternoon was spent at the river. Introducing Rosie to WATER!!

Making dams.

Sunday was concluded with a family movies night. Dogs invited. Doesn't her face just say" where's my popcorn"?

Easter weekend was spent sharing time together. Just what we love to do. Even building a fence became a group effort with the kids joining in and my brother lending us a helpful hand.

What could have been a chore actually became quite satisfying. But that's another blog entry really.

Hope your weekend was fun and relaxing too.

Jaz xx

Turning a corner!

Yes it is possible and I think I have done it. I'm proud that I've done it.

Those of you who follow this blog regularly will understand, after the events of 2011, a corner just had to be turned.

I spent much of last year frightened of the future. What could happen, might happen but hadn't yet happened. That is the corner I'm talking about. About living in the NOW.

Living in the now is something I have talked about on this blog a few times. When I was struggling as a stay at home mum and when I was diagnosed with a brain tumour. I have been thinking about this a lot recently as I struggled to adapt to and accept the changes with my eyesight. Part of me refused to accept the poor vision because I felt I might be giving up, giving in.

I don't see it like that at all now.

I see it as living in the NOW.

In fact, I didn't even realise we had a book on our shelves at home titled "The Power of Now" (Ekhart Tolle). Cool. Somebody's already done much of the thinking for me!!!

I can't read it very well, My eye muscles struggle to read for very long but I enjoy skimming and finding enlightening quotes for myself

In the past I have catastrophized and turned my fears into big ugly mountains in front of me. But I've been thinking about that. Fears aren't real. Sure they can be based on some startling true facts eg I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR, but essentially our fears are our imaginations going for a walk.

So I've stopped walking my fears so often and taking myself out for fresh air instead. Lately I seem to be able to enjoy today and not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come and then it will be today. I've got no control over it, just how I perceive and receive it.

I'm strangely calm about my MRI I just had. I'm still awaiting results and I refuse to waste precious time on irrational fears. If they tell me I'm dying, then I'll scream and cry, but not today, not NOW.

On that note. Have a lovely day and weekend. If you need to worry about something, allocate a time and focus on it for a little while. Problem solve, but don't let it become you or your life. I've been there, we probably all have at some time of our lives. But I'm learning a tough lesson. There's a lot of living out there to be done. Join me and live it in the NOW!!!

Happy Easter to all of you.

Jaz xx

Puppy antics

What does this sweet, adorable puppy.........

And this sweet, (mostly) adorable little girl..............

EQUAL???????????

One barely recognisable toothbrush this morning.

Adorable much?

Undecided

Jaz xx

ps See other toothbrush post here

Thankful Thursday: Well...a quiet week can still bring a few loves.

So many things to enjoy.

As at many preschools children are often asked to sneeze or cough into their sleeves to avoid the spread of germs

Phoebe enjoyed sharing her 'elephant sneezing' routine. It's how her teachers obviously make germ control fun!!!

I love how sharing these things also makes her giggle. We love Pheeb's giggle.

Oh and the amount of artwork that ends up on the bench!!

Get a load of this folks. Thanks to the radiotherapy, I officially have short and curlys behind my ears. The new hair is soft and forming baby type ringlets. Awwwwwwww.

Yeah, it'd be cute if the rest of my hair wasn't straight!!! LOL

I love this old world rambling rose in my new garden.

I may sound a bit sad but I love it when my linen cupboard looks like this

(at least once a year). Actually I think I'm just really pleased to have the energy to achieve this now!!!

I REALLY love covering the garden with pea-straw, ready for autumn and winter

It always reminds me of a winter duvet pulled out of the cupboard and the garden all snuggled up for a new season.

Love Mark's attempt to keep the cats off the new young vege plants. Blooming puss-cats!!

Loving the patience of this lovely puppy.

Phoebe has started to draw people. Wonderful additions like limbs and nostrils are now included. Mark and I aren't just 'heads' anymore.

I was scheduled for an MRI this afternoon, but the technician went home ill. I'm guessing I'll now be photographed next week. Positive thoughts and love our way please. We of course are hoping for either no growth or even some die off of the tumour. We'd be happy with either.

My eldest girl turns 12 on Sat. Golly. Twelve years of parenting.

I'm looking forward to the next twelve.

Take care and have a great weekend.

Jaz xx

Catch up from the Treacys!!

Well hello to you all. Despite how much I miss blogging, I still never quite find the energy or brain focus to write very much in one sitting. I am feeling better overall, I just need to get used to this new eyesight and to build up my stamina. I was told recently that it can take many months just to get over anesthetic etc. So still, the baby steps are being taken.

I thought it might be fun to update those of you in particular who are reading from elsewhere in New Zealand or the world of how our last few months have panned out. I enjoyed revisiting the photos myself. It is nice reminder of what has been an eventful journey. Late January and early Feb wasn't really documented as I was going through MAJOR steroid withdrawal and certainly wasn't much use behind the camera. BUT............that seems to have passed and each week is getting gradually better. I hope it is onwards and upwards from here.

I have an MRI at the end of this month. No more to say about that. Fingers and toes crossed until I get briefed on the result.

Enjoy our photo journey!

December 12 Molly turned 7and I finally made a rainbow cake that I have admired on a few other mummy blogs that I love!!!

Gorgeous Molly

Christmas morning, Phoebe enjoys her new 'balance bike'.

Lucy, our only pet remaining in December admiring herself in Caitlin's new mirror.

January in Whangaparaoa meant saying goodbye to friends and plenty of swimming before leaving for Christchurch.

Our new Southland neighbour :-)

A lovely part of our new backyard.

Our beautiful lemon roses that remind us of Gran and Grandad Lewis.

Late February, the bath smells a bit doggy.

I don't know how many times I have told her NOT to get up on there. Good thing I love her so much.

End of the financial year means stocktake for Mark so he is really busy, but learning lots about the new business. I am looking forward to Easter. A weekend to all mooch around together.

Have a lovely weekend folks.

Jaz xx