Supporting those who support us.

I feel this Thursday needs to one of giving thanks to the community groups who give us all support when needed. 

Of course it is not until our loved ones or ourselves actually need them that we truly appreciate.

"My" community groups of choice are now:

The Blind Foundation

Neurological Foundation NZ

and 

Cancer Society

All of these groups have provided me with oodles of support over the past three years and continue to do so.
My brain tumour is a terminal condition and I need to know that research continues behind the scenes and that I will always have options.


Here in New Zealand Daffodil day is approaching quickly. The Cancer Society supports all patients with all types of cancer. Even my tumour qualified as it has the potential to become a killer. Please remember to support them if you are able.

While living in Auckland they provided me with counseling (and Mark also), frozen meals for the whole family, transport from my home to treatment wards, support in the form of tissues and kindness, company and a patient 'ear' when needed.
In fact I still get a phonecall every 6 to 8 weeks just to ensure I am coping now!!!

I never thought I would ever need them.

So glad they are out there.



https://www.facebook.com/daffodilday?ref=hl

http://www.cancernz.org.nz/

Jaz x

Buddhist saying

Give more,

Expect less.

Jaz x

Why do we breed?

Mmmmmmm

This is an interesting topic that has been swirling around inside for a while. Time to share and hear what you think also.

Why do people have children?

To continue a genetic line of ancestry.
To enhance their own life.
To consolidate a relationship.
Accidental pregnancy.
To teach and guide.
Because they love children.
To see what their combined offspring might look like.
To receive government  funds.
To try and save a relationship.
To have something of their own.
To have something to manipulate and have serve them.
To try and boost their self esteem.
To betray a partner.
To create the ultimate expression of combined love.

Oh goodness. So many reasons. A real mixture of reasons I would agree with and many that frighten me.
When I think of why I had children I can't come up with one clear answer. Although I know that it was a conscious decision between Mark and I. The reason??
To me it sort of felt as though it was needed.  Our greatest achievement as a couple. The ultimate gift to each other I guess.

I remind myself of this when I'm at my wits end during school holidays :-(

I have heard recently of adults who are so caught up in their own beliefs and achievements that they want to pass on this knowledge. Not sure how I feel about this.
That's a lie.
I do know............just treading carefully.
Many people out there pass on knowledge and faith to their children and it is such a noble thing. I just think this is the wrong reason to create a child.

I think all children need to be made with love.

I hope all children are made with love.

I know I'm not being entirely realistic though.

My baby number three was an accident. But we soon viewed her as the best surprise made from our love ever!!!!

Dare I say this?!?!?!  I do not believe that a child should be brought into the world for selfish reasons. To mould and shape as a clone of its parents.

To make a child is to create an entire life, beginning the journey of a life. To make a child is to make an adult. I'm thinking my role as a mother is to guide (of course with own own morals and beliefs) but to also allow freedom of thought, action and speech. Such a BIG and difficult challenge as a parent.
But I'm sure that's what I want to achieve as a mother.

When I asked Mark recently if he had actually wanted children before we started trying for them he said:

"Yip....................until I had them"

And that really is a whole other post!!!

Jaz x

Mind chatter. Do you??

Talking to oneself. Chattering in one's head.

More so when I'm busy or feeling unsettled.

Busyness makes my brian swirl with goals, plans, juggling tasks etc.

Unsettledness just makes me self talk in the wrong way. Jump ahead too quickly down the wrong path. I realised this after meeting with a friend for coffee and feeling ashamed that our friendship was on the rocks. Again when I looked about my house and saw all the dust I had been ignoring.
I also realised I did this when I posted about being in a rut and reflecting on what did that to us all on occasion.

Chattering is normal. I don't have voices in my head. My tumour and the surrounding radiated matter has not grown a personality. Self talk is normal. I am normal.

It is the subject of talk that makes it healthy or not.

So what should we do if our self talk isn't so healthy? Well I'm not a therapist. How should I know??


What I do know is how to live alongside the 'tumour cloud'. Sometimes scattered, sometimes thick and dark. The only thing that really works for me is deep ribcage breathing and telling myself I'M OK.
Positive self talk does not solve or resolve, but it changes my state of mind. Pausing and letting the cloud clear just enough to settle the feeling of unease.
Too long.....and my mind will wander too far forward.
Pausing in the moment..........is just enough.

Peace of mind is cheaper than any doctor.

Long, deep breath everybody.

Jaz x

Feeling blah!!

Why?

Strep throat. 40 antibiotic pills to swallow over ten days. Ugh

Bad dreams. People dying in them. Ugh

Lack of exercise and blancmange thighs. Ugh

Lack of drive and feeling a tad sorry for myself. Ugh

The realties of life seem to be hitting hard this week (and most of the weeks prior). The optimist in me just isn't appearing as often as I would like.

Now I could just write this in a notebook beside the bed. I could be exercising right now. Instead I am sharing with the world. Having a moan.

Maybe I need to do a bit more of this:

I have always thought singing helps me temporally forget other stuff that is normally rolling around in my brain.

For me it's singing. Mostly around myself and girls. But sometimes the public in the odd restroom or supermarket aisle.

Mark has a lovely voice but doesn't sing to release stress. He runs and sweats his troubles away.

I wish I could catch that bug. Walking the dog (or actually being dragged by the dog) does make me feel better because our dog is so young and excitable that its' damn near a run!!!!!
Wind on your face. Rain on the glasses LOL. Fresh, cool nip in the winter air.

I do like that.

I think I've got myself in a rut. A mid winter rut.

Sharing this stuff actually helps. I know that when I get into a rut I need help myself get motivated again. Announcing stuff into cyberspace seems to help, well, normally.

It worked with many of my other publicly announced issues.  I told everyone out there I have a brain tumour and because of that I felt I needed to fight it even more, because I had shared my secret. Does that make sense to you?? Or just me???

So that's what I do now.

I already feel a little brighter.  Those AA group strategies have got it right.

Hi I'm Jaz......................I have a brain tumour..........................I have mid winter rut thingy too................................................................................................................................................................................................................... I write about all of it!!

Jaz x

Thankful Thursday: Thanks Mark!!

Today is Mark's birthday and we are thankful. We get to let our man know how much we really do appreciate him......... and eat cake!!!!!

Time for presies

 In his new gears!!!

 What is it dad???

 Wahooooo! We're having coffee!

 A supermarket cake; me bad!! But it was a velvet red cake supporting and raising money for the  Canterbury earthquake recovery.

 Rosie likes the look of cake.

 Maybe Phoebe's........mmmm...........

 Oh yeah.......

 Molly's not looking either...........

 Maybe mum won't notice.......

I'll just wait.

and wait

and wait

and wait.

Labs. Food driven yet patient.

Happy Birthday from all of us Mark.

love

Jaz xx

When family are friends and friends become family.

I think about this topic sometimes, especially as I encourage my own children to be honest, reliable friends and when we consider how many family 'friends' have become like family over time.

Recently we have been gathering as a family to farewell another and it has given me a lot of time of reflection. I enjoy reflecting.

My own upbringing was out of the ordinary. Born to a young couple, and raised by them for a short time until my paternal grandmother also had a huge influence. Then I lived with my birth father and girlfriend.
After a few twists and turns I was placed (willingly and happily) into custody of my aunty and uncle. There I stayed until I became a young adult and left home. During my upbringing I continued to have contact with both of my birth parents.

Since then and as a married adult with three children this have changed. Well my view on who are family and who are important has changed. I have realised over time that 'blood' or genetics does not make a family alone.

Sure I still acknowledge that my genes are from certain people in my life but I do not agree that they automatically deserve love and adoration. Respect, sure but even then I believe that should be earned not expected.

My Aunty Anne, who died several years ago, is still my hero and I still think of her as a mother. All environmental.
My birth father, I always felt a strong bond with and loved deeply, he doesn't appear to want me in his life and as a result that bond I felt is waning. I now have no contact with him.
My uncle, who raised me with Anne I now have no contact with. This is a choice by me as I feel his choice of lifestyle does not suit my morals and I do not want him near my children. I have never trusted him.
My birth mother, well I now have more contact with her than ever. We are very different but our lives have pulled back together. It's really cool. I love her more now than I ever did.
My step father; died last week and I will miss him terribly. Despite never really living with him, he treated me with huge amount of respect and vice versa.
My full brother, love to bits. Lived with him for a little while.
My half sister and brother; love both, never lived with either.
My Uncle Scott's ex partner; love to bits.

I could start to include all my cousins and extras; including family from family members that married in who are not related genetically.......... but I'm running out of steam lol.

The point is........................as we all know. Relationships are about mutual respect. Family relationships included. If there is no respect then a relationship crumbles.

I can think of several good friends that Mark and I consider our extended family. From love that is built, worked on and developed.

So just because you may have the same genetic make up as me doesn't mean I will love you.

I won't be unkind to you or harm you, but may not love you.

Love is a reward for kindness.

Ouch, sounds harsh.

I do have unconditional love for my children but I ALWAYS let them know that when they are unkind around the house my love for them is stretched.

Never stretch too far. Sometimes stretched things break.

That's what the harshness of real life has taught me

Jaz x

Love the rain

Thank goodness I'm alive today!

I love the rain.

Jaz x

Thankful Thursday : Love

Today I am thankful for all expressions of love and care.

Family that pull together and friends that become family.

Being thankful is about taking stock.

I look around me and feel a whole lot of kindness.

As I have said to my children for ever it's what you do and say that REALLY counts. If it aint kind, then don't!

Thankful Thursday everyone!

Jaz x