Saturday, October 16, 2010

A mother's dirty secrets....

This post is inspired by another mummy blogger I follow and love reading. If you don't know her blog already, check Widge out, she is down to earth and fabo!

She posted some parenting secrets that made me laugh until I had tears. Oh how I love to read about other mothers sometimes cutting corners in the search for sanity and order. It makes me feel so normal.

So here are some of my dirty mother secrets. Ooooooh should I ?? Having might burst some bubbles about my parenting. Oh what the heck, here goes.......

1. Bird bath: Mummy bird that is ( or 'Harpie' if I haven't done my hair before leaving for school).
The bird bath is never planned but occurs after realising (often revealed by the rear vision mirror) that my children have not washed their faces before school. Eeeeeeek my pet hate; children with grubby faces. I then do what I remember my Grandma doing and lick a hanky or tissue and rub vigorously over their breakfast cheeks.
I have also been known, when in desperation and lacking any kerchief to lick my fingers, peer around quickly before completing the task with mastered precision.

2. Aqua-dining: this doesn't happen often, but I have been tired, possibly pregnant, totally over messy tables, chairs, bibs and clothes and have shoveled food into naked, bathing toddlers. So easy to clean the mess. Unfortunately, if I remember correctly I had to clean the bath after the last aqua-dining experience.

3. "No greens I promise" smoothies: My youngest girls love the freshly squeezed orange, berry or beetroot juice I make them occasionally. I doubt they would if they knew how much spinach I threw in just before serving. I always get the giggles when I see it in their teeth afterwards ;-)
4. It'll pass with peas: In sleep deprived desperation, newborn screaming and two other mouths at the dining table waiting to be fed I now remember my PEAS theory. I felt at this stage of my life (only lasting a couple of months, I promise) that any plate of food could be called a meal if it included peas. Oh the combinations we created. Cereal......and peas. Spaghetti......and peas. Fried crappy food..........and peas. Exhausted, yet determined I always felt so proud if I managed to get that little pile of green in one quarter of their plates.

5. Second day specials: Sometimes the mornings can be so busy now we have three girls I loathe the "how did that get on there" moments. All children at all ages it seems are experts at revealing a soiled item of school uniform JUST BEFORE WE LEAVE TO GET INTO THE CAR. Jeepers.........did I yell that??!! Appologies :-0
So the second day specials is the T-shirt that has been rubbed with the dishcloth, or might just be the t-shirt grabbed out of yesterdays pile.

6. Magic powder: Nope, I'm not endorsing any drug taking while parenting. But at some point in the last ten years I discovered that baby talc powder neutralises the smell of baby vomit and pee! Yes! So true! I even had a tiny bottle (sample given to me after one of my babes was born) that traveled everywhere with me. What ever landed on me during the day, I could usually make it through to dinner time smelling like a very clean baby's bum!

7. Inside-out 'fashionistas': I am actually pretty good at getting my ENDLESS washing piles under control. But a sleepless night or ill child can completely throw the laundry routine out the window for a day or two. In desperation my girls have been sent out of the house with tights or socks turned inside out, bibs on the wrong way (ickys hidden on other side). The trouble with this theory is that some items of clothing just look plain silly on the reverse and I fear would attract some playground mockery. I hope I never do this one again :-(

8. Sticky fingers: Sorry, you're going to hate this one. Sometimes mums just can't be super-humans. They don't always have enough hands or a tissue available. Imagine if you will....
Toddler dressed beautifully, about to venture out somewhere special. "BUTMUUUUUM, I'm hungeeeee ('hungry' for non toddler speaking adults).
Child having devoured the given snack, hands outstretched screams "hans hans hans".
A mother's whirring mind will automatically go into KEEP THE CLOTHES CLEAN mode, grab both hands keeping them off the beautifully clean outfit.
With both hands full of your own childen's, what must one do? How will one complete the cleaning task? With ones MOUTH of course.
Oh come on..........I gave her the food, know what she's eaten and know where she's had those digits.....(mostly).

So. I won't reveal anymore. I can't think of many more you believe me? ;-)

For the record. I'm a good mum and the kids are doing just fine! Life's a little easier now that all three are not babies and we have full nights sleeps and routines. The washing is normally complete and back in the drawers by the time they get home from school and my kids actually hate peas now.
Life is good.............but I guess there will always be a few secrets.


  1. mwhaaaaaaa! awesome. and gross. I don't think I could ever lick my kids sticky hands! I keep a pack of wipes in the car for "on the way to school face washes" and have even slipped the older ones a piece of gum when they have forgotten to brush! they have to promise me to spit it in the bin before class starts. I also have a "butter only" rule when eating brekkie in the car on the way to school to save the messy face problem. Used that one on the way to church this morning hehe

  2. Oh, Jaz, it's a while since I laughed out loud at a blog posting. But, and just ask some other oldies who would never have been as openly honest in their day as you are now, whether much has changed when it comes to coping with babies and young children. I recognise doing quite a few of those things. But then I was a Dad and people would just have looked askance if they'd ever known.

    One thing that has changed radically since I was at junior school though and that is wearing clothes once. We didn't have the luxury of three sets of clothes a day with each one (possibly worn for a few hours) being tossed into the washing machine. I had two or perhaps three school shirts which had to last because the washing was only done once a week or sent to the laundry once a week.

    WV = oatera - hmmm


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