Brain surgery, parties, children and a night away.

Just what the doctor ordered.

In that sequential order as well.

I have, if you read Mark's you will know that my head decided not to cope with a gradual build up of fluid and I had a rather quick surgical procedure called a Ventriculostomy. Very often a shunt is put into people's ventricles when they suffer from hydrocephalus (fluid build up). Instead the surgeon decided to insert a snazzy camera and then pierce a hole in the base of the ventricle to allow drainage. It allows slow, gradual drainage and balancing of the fluid levels. I also have a flash little Rickham reservoir placed just under the skin of the entry wound through which they can actually simply enter a needle to remove extra fluid if it is so needed. Flash huh?! It's small, and I can only feel a slight bump under the skin and shaven hair. Yep. Another hairstyle emergency (sigh). Although kindly they just took off a little bit so I have modified my fringe and parting to accommodate. (You can't really tell in the photo but they used a new

iodine solution which was bright pink!! My entire head and pillow was very 'punk' looking for a few days. Kind of cool. Thankfully it has almost all gone as I write this today...but I kind of liked it for a while).

The recovery has felt slow. But then I'm not all the patient with this process anymore. Considering I have had my head cut into, I really should be more realistic. I forget that I can't always bounce back straight away. I didn't cope so well initially. It all came as a shock. Suddenly I was being admitted to the same ward that I had spent so many sleepless nights back in January. Back to the midnightly blood-tests, Heparin jabs in the belly to avoid blood clots and the two hourly waking to check that I'm Neurologically 'with it'. It brought back a lot of the fear and trauma of January/Feb I must admit. I recognised the sounds, smells and many of the nurses. It was lonely and scary. But.........only a week this time and then Mark took me home and cooked and cared for me as only he wonderfully can.

I have recovered at home well. Still struggling with poor eyesight, but battling on despite. Hopefully as the recovery process completes so will the recovery of my sight. I can't drive again. A standard 'stand down' period is required after any brain surgery. I am feeling a little housebound, but at least I feel well. I have got a crappy sinus infection which antibiotics are dealing with which makes my head feel spaced out. I look forward to the day when my head feels normal again. A happy day that will be.

I have an onslaught of hospital appointments coming up over the next two months. I hope the MRI in two weeks reveals some more die off of this tumour of mine. I have finished with it. I'm just not sure yet if it has finished with me. Most importantly, I need to make sure it doesn't actually 'finish' me.

I'm tired of being scared and sad. I want laughter again.

Laughter.

We had a little of this recently. Beautiful Phoebe turned three and her love of pirates inspired me to bake a Pirate ship cake. Just a little one, but she seemed pleased. We had Nana and my brother visiting from Christchurch which made the birthday weekend a bit more special for us all.

Notice how the candle on right of pic is actually burning the ship's mast. Giggle!

Plenty of pirate loot!

She proudly took a little cake to preschool as well and shared birthday news. Gosh how they grow up huh!! Before I know it my baby will be starting school. Good golly!

Spinach

My kids have grown to love spinach. Just on the plate, no dressings, maybe a few other salad bits on an occasion. I am am a proud mum. Mark should be a proud dad about this because it is his cooking and perseverance by simply putting it on their plates and expecting it to be eaten................they now just do!! (Although our carnivore Phoebe had only attempted one leaf, but baby steps!!)

Just a little spinach with your pasta anyone??

School Holidays

We have done something a little out of the ordinary this week. We sent our two eldest children; Caitlin and Molly off on a flight to stay with their Aunty and Uncle in Canterbury. It felt very odd sending them off as unaccompanied minors. But they coped extremely well and are having a lovely time.

It has been strange and VERY quiet in the house, especially on the first night and morning. Phoebe was missing her sisters by bath-time of second night. But Mark and I are making the most of having a one child weekend. We plan to drive to Whangamata for one night of dining out and then chilling in a motel room all together. Not much, but we are excited anyway. Since living up here away from our extended family we haven't had these opportunities, so we are grabbing it! I'm still feel a little fatigued and will be traveling with a swag of medications in my toilet bag. But I guess you just have to grab life by the chin and just do stuff anyway sometimes huh!

I'll update you soon on my night away with my gorgeous man and big three year old!

Well. It's nice to be blogging again. I'm glad you're still out there. Thanks for hanging around for me.

Have a lovely weekend yourself.

Jaz xx

Damn!!!!

Mark's bog

Drat, damn and a few other expletives.

But I survived.

I'll be back.

In time.

Jaz xx

Fess up Friday

I have a confession to make. I'm going on a blogging holiday.

I wish it was to some tropical location but it's not. I'll still be here reading all your blogs, keeping tabs on your recipes and weekly doings. I love it.

Random pics of my beautiful people :-)

But I'm not loving my own posting at the moment. I almost feel obligated to post about stuff that I just don't have at the moment. My eyesight keeps me at home and I don't even have many photographs of the kids. I'm starting to feel better, but imprisoned due to double vision. Writing, despite normally loving it, does not make me happy at the moment. It seems to drain my energy and require the kind of focus that I used to have, but am now having to rebuild.

I have some follow up hospital appointments coming up to think about and process anyway. My brain will be busy enough.

So I'm taking a break.

Take care. I hope you'll still be here when I get back.

Jaz xx

Dedication to Dads

Dads are pretty important, especially in a house full of girls.

My girls absolutely adore their dad. It's what girls do I think. My girls are lucky to have a caring and open minded who wants the best for them.

So Mark, this year sure had been a test for you, and it continues to be. I am proud of your fathering and love for all of us. I wish I could support you more at the moment, but my time will come again I'm sure. In the meantime I want you to know how much I appreciate you.

To all the dad out there in cyber space. Happy Father's Day to you all!

Jaz xx

Thankful Thursday: Baby speak!

I'm here, still recovering. Poor eyesight and all. But here.

I was thinking about a post I did many moons ago about our little Phoebe. She was 18months old and we loved her dictionary of words she had gathered in her short life.

Well, our little girl is nearing THREE, ouch where did that time go?? I thought it might be fun to update the baby speak dictionary. Of course, not being a baby makes a real difference. She has a wealth of vocab and loves to use it. But there are always a few gems which will make it onto the blog:

Here goes:

Segly and sausages: Spaghetti to you and I. We should correct her, but it's just sooo cute.

Holy pap!!!: Holy Crap. (I know, not cute and we do discourage this one. But once again, giggles all round when she first popped this one out!)

Arrrrgh me parties: That's what pirates say of course, don't they?? Phoebe loves pirates and she gets the 'p' of the word pirates a little confused and in the wrong place. But we LOVE it!

Urprise: Surprise!!! Leaving off the first letters seems to be her thing at the moment. Despite having good hearing and being ABLE to do it.

ATCCH.........bless me: A sneeze. Adorable.

So, why I am really doing this is to remind my self, that despite all the challenges that come with two and three year old children. There are many rewards as well.

I'm also feeling particularly sad that I can't do as much with them at the moment. My eyes are crippling me and I feel very housebound. Hopefully an improvement soon.

Please have a good Thursday and weekend.

Jaz xx

Thankful Thursday.....sort of!!

This will be a quick and succinct post today. I'm sad to say that the virus that knocked me over (or the bus that ran me over) as taken it's toll and I really feel pretty gross......still!

I've just discovered that hubby Mark updated his blog about his very topic. So thanks too him for keeping others up to speed.

Why does life do this?

I appologise for the lack of posting. I have missed it. But simply getting out of bed was a struggle for a few days. The past week has been better but I'm lacking my normal stamina or eyesight. (Sigh)

I hate the sadness that has come with 2011. I'm looking forward to the new year.

The ups and downs have continued over the past week or two. Having to have our 15year old cat Tyson put to sleep was not an enjoyable task. I was bedridden so poor Mark had to supervise and keep Tyson company in his final minutes.

I swear, Phoebe's 'death hold' had nothing to do with Tyson's demise. But it does show how loving and tolerant he had become over the years of living with our tribe.

It is Thankful Thursday and I am extremely grateful to the Vet Clinic for their prompt service. We now have Tyson's remains at home with us.

We also received a beautiful condolences card from the Vet clinic. A very welcome and warm surprise.

An up over the past week was meeting some "bloggy" friends for the first time. I had actually cancelled my attendance at lunch, but dragged my self through the shower and Mark kindly got me to the restaurant for an hour and half of fun. Blurry vision and all, I may have felt physically yucky, but my spirit was certainly lifted.

I got to meet the lovely Meg from MnM's

and many other lovelies. Yippppeeeeee!

Thanks to Leonie from Kiwi at Heart for organising the event. I'm sure the girls all had a great time. Thanks for welcoming me into the fold for the short time I was able to stay out of bed. MMWHAAAAAAAA!!

Since then I haven't even been able to read others' blog or comment. But hopefully from now onwards I'll contribute a little more.

Life goes on and I'm sure will once again get better and better.

Trying to thankful at every turn :-)

Jaz xx

Is it a thankful thursday or what !?!?!?

Yes feeling very thankful today. I was actually wondering what on earth to blog about earlier in the week. But as I really should know by now.........something will always come up.

After a great weekend, my aching back turned into blocked ears and dizzy head. Then feeling sleepy and weak. Only to become a thumping scary headache yesterday. I don't do headaches well anymore.

In my situation, for a moment I forgot that headaches can be caused by many other sources. Not always tumour related!! Especially if accompanied by the chills and body aches. But of course, there's a little guy in the back of my head whispering away all the risks and dangers that were outlined on discovery of my tumour. Thankfully, having got through the radiotherapy so well and strong is a sign of a robust immune system. Go me.

So today I'm thankful for having a GP that is exceptionally good at listening and making me feel at ease and reassured. I am not presenting with any neurological symptoms, no build up brain fluid which can cause headaches etc. In fact it's very likely that the risk of these things have greatly diminished!!! Yipppeeee!

If the radiotherapy has shrunk and stabilised the tumour, then I'm less likely to be at risk of dangerous headaches. My GP checked me over and made me feel like I'd really made the right decision coming in, just to be sure. He's the GP that also checked a little further (despite not presenting with any "brain tumour" symptoms) this time last year. I am truly blessed to have met the guy. Never has he once made me feel as though I may be a paranoid patient or mother. Not all my previous GPs have been so accommodating.

But like the rest of you, I occasionally get them, headaches that is. So I guess I have an annoying little virus. (Which is not surprising, Mark and the girls have caught all sorts of things over the past two months!!) I guess it was finally my turn. Poop!

This weekend; sleep, dvds and mooching. Can't wait.

I'm also thankful for caring and understanding Vets. Yesterday, our male cat Tyson dragged himself back to the house after being missing for approx 48 hours. He looked terrible.

He had soiled himself and we were terrified he had ben hit by a car. He was obviously dehydrated and unfed.

The local vet clinic took him in immediately announcing on inspection that his badder was extremely full and there could be a blockage.

Thankfully his bladder was drained, no blockage found, and spent the night being rehydrated. It was an anxious wait as it seemed he was close to renal failure. Our poor baby.

Lucy, our other cat temporarily went off her food and looked like she was missing her brother last night. Mark and I have had both Lucy and Tyson for approx 15 years, so they are a special part of our family.

We all hope he is ok and am waiting for the vet to get out of another surgery to report on his recovery.

So. Yep life sure does have a way of just getting on with things. I guess I'll always have something to blog about. Whether it's a cold, an outing or a birthday. What ever happens......I'm thankful. Wouldn't want it to get too boring around here would we ;-)

Jaz xx