I forgot to be thankful this week. I know it's not necessary to complete a thankful Thursday post every week, I know I'm not to be disciplined for it, but I actually missed doing it.
Unfortunately I have had an anxious week, feeling a tad unwell. Experiencing some nerve type, scary sensations (made all the more scary because of this pesky brain mass). They tend to pass, but while they happen my anxiety rises and does nothing for my overall mental and emotional health. Up till now I have been feeling pretty good. Some aches and pains from medications, but ok. I had almost forgotten "it" was in there. Every now and again, something happens. A numb hand, a dull headache with tingles or change in eyesight and I am instantly reminded of "it's" presence.
I have never experienced anxiety before, not like I have in the past six months. I am overwhelmed at how it can simply possess you. I try to breathe through it, relax, meditate etc etc. But still the heart races, lungs speed up, the sweat pours. It frightens me, I didn't truly realise how it can take over.
So this weekend I have removed myself from some medication that was helping calm a stressed stomach. I'm sure it was keeping me awake at night and making me feel worse. I have turned to some natural remedies, that might take longer, but have a more gentle effect.
I feel more calm.......again. Phew....sigh.
As for the brain mass. for those whom I haven't told yet. I am now waiting for a surgery date. They expect sometime early next year. Although I am not an urgent case and it is still presumed a reasonably safe "mass". But, it is still in a part of the body that doesn't allow much room to move or give, if you understand what I mean. Recent testing and bloods are showing only positive news. My body is coping well.
I am sort of relieved, sort of terrified, but more relieved. I agree with my entire being...........life is probably better with the "thing" out.
So despite a little discomfort. I am looking forward to Christmas. I am extremely thankful that the symptoms are not accelerating as I want this week with my family more than anything.
This blog is my happy place..........no more brain stuff for now. Until the day I return from hospital a "free woman". Thanks for being out there, hearing me out, allowing me to vent.
No more now........time for an EXTREMELY HAPPY post.
I think I'll write it now.
xx
I suffer from anxiety. It's certainly no fun. I hope your brain mass (YIKES!) doesn't cause you too many problems over the Christmas break!
ReplyDeleteKeeping you and your fam in my prayers Jaz. Have a wonderful Christmas xo
ReplyDeleteThanks Widge..I truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteHelen, although I wouldn't wish anxiety on anyone, it is a comfort to know that others can empathise with the 'feelings' and physical symptoms.
ps the Christmas break will be grand. Merry Christmas to both of you :-)
I've been a bit absent from Blogland but for some totally obscure reason I cannot fathom your blog doesn't come up on my Dashboard and I was wondering what had happened to you. In fact I was looking for your email address (I'm sure I had it and was going to email Fi) when tonight I realised that you had been blogging and I'd missed it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've been feeling under the weather. When this is all over you'll be able to look back as a stronger person who has a greater appreciation of life than most of those around you.
What a dumbo! I've just realised that I follow your blog as GB from my Eagleton Notes Blog so I have now added me from my Hebridean in New Zealand Blog. I can't believe I didn't realise that.
ReplyDeleteHi J. I hope you remember what I told you about my own wee struggles with anxiety and that new natural remedy, and please talk to me any time. You are an AMAZING mum and woman and you deserve a rested body and mind, so call or text anytime. xoxo
ReplyDelete