I forgot to be thankful this week. I know it's not necessary to complete a thankful Thursday post every week, I know I'm not to be disciplined for it, but I actually missed doing it.
Unfortunately I have had an anxious week, feeling a tad unwell. Experiencing some nerve type, scary sensations (made all the more scary because of this pesky brain mass). They tend to pass, but while they happen my anxiety rises and does nothing for my overall mental and emotional health. Up till now I have been feeling pretty good. Some aches and pains from medications, but ok. I had almost forgotten "it" was in there. Every now and again, something happens. A numb hand, a dull headache with tingles or change in eyesight and I am instantly reminded of "it's" presence.
I have never experienced anxiety before, not like I have in the past six months. I am overwhelmed at how it can simply possess you. I try to breathe through it, relax, meditate etc etc. But still the heart races, lungs speed up, the sweat pours. It frightens me, I didn't truly realise how it can take over.
So this weekend I have removed myself from some medication that was helping calm a stressed stomach. I'm sure it was keeping me awake at night and making me feel worse. I have turned to some natural remedies, that might take longer, but have a more gentle effect.
I feel more calm.......again. Phew....sigh.
As for the brain mass. for those whom I haven't told yet. I am now waiting for a surgery date. They expect sometime early next year. Although I am not an urgent case and it is still presumed a reasonably safe "mass". But, it is still in a part of the body that doesn't allow much room to move or give, if you understand what I mean. Recent testing and bloods are showing only positive news. My body is coping well.
I am sort of relieved, sort of terrified, but more relieved. I agree with my entire being...........life is probably better with the "thing" out.
So despite a little discomfort. I am looking forward to Christmas. I am extremely thankful that the symptoms are not accelerating as I want this week with my family more than anything.
This blog is my happy place..........no more brain stuff for now. Until the day I return from hospital a "free woman". Thanks for being out there, hearing me out, allowing me to vent.
No more now........time for an EXTREMELY HAPPY post.
I think I'll write it now.