Hi ya all

I'm home for another weekend and as Mark put in his recent post, home for good in FOUR days.

I must admit, despite wanting to see my family, I'm scared. I'm really not the same person who left for hospital five or so weeks ago.

But I am still as positve as ever. So maybe it'll be ok. Who'd ever have thought I'd be frightened of my own children? I can't believe I'm in this position. But I have a feeling, with team work we will be just ok.

I really liked Mark's recent post. So raw and honest.

Christchurch. My heart aches for you. I know if our current circumstances were different, Mark would already down there, sleeves rolled up and shovel in hand. He's good like that. Instead, I need him here. But our thoughts and love is definately with you.

The images are gut wrenching. It reminds me how lucky I am to be alive and kicking. I hope the bodies are retrieved quickly for personal closure and the rescuers can cope with their unenviable job.

I was born in Christchurch. Grew up there and know many who are very special to me. I'm pretty sure they are all accounted for, but I have a feeling I will hear of many people with connections to our friends and family. In tragedies like this that's just how it goes.

Many say that buildings can be rebuilt and a city can recover, but I feel differently. I know it is a blessing that many survived, but I'm a real building person. I believe people put huge amounts of love into their buildings. They work every day in them, creating strong relationships.

I feel very sad for the loss of what was ChCh. People will grieve these losses, just like the beautiful people they have also lost. I look forward to the day when ChCh stands up again, streches itself and becomes whole.

Changing the subject..............

I recieved a very special gift yesterday. A Pounamu fish hook from some very special people.

It hangs around my neck, close to my heart and very warm. Hei - matau represents strength and determination. It brings peace, prosperity and good health. A very warm thank you to the following people; Hilary, John M, Adam, Lynley, Pete R, Jo C, Robin and Valerie for thinking of me.

An extra special thank you to Matt who delivered the gift personally. We had a very quick, but great catch up, having not seen each other since about 1990. An old, but still important school mate. I feel so honoured to know these people, who were fellow students but older than me. Friends of my parents, it is obvious now that friendship can last over a long time and distance. I am so very grateful for this.

Wow, look at how much I have written. Another milestone met? Yeeeeehaa!!!!

But my neck now aches............so. I guess I'll chat again at the end of the week.

Jaz xx